paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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