Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
