Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
