so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
