It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
