Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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