hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
