Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
