K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
