My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
