This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
