Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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