I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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