im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
