Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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