Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
