Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
