my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
