YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
