last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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