i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
