If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
