I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
