I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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