Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
