I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
