I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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