careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
