I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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