you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
