GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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