I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
