Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
