Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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