So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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