My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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