How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
