wanna go halves on a baby?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
