why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
