She is in my trunk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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