You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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