nut hugger
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
