I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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