1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
