You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
