Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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