My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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