you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
