If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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