i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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