I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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